he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"