I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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