quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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