I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
