this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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