my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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