you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
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Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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