Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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