The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
