i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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