I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
