I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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