Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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