I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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