My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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