it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
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Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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