Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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