I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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