Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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