I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
