Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize