so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
