Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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