Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Enjoy the penises
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
