I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
