i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
