i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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