i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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