Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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