wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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