I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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