He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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