Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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