I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
