Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
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Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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