they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
