How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize