can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
