if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
