Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
