Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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