I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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