1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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