You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
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And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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