i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
