you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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