i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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