I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual