glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can't turn off my feet"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start