Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days