I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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