Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
