don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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